White coat. Heels.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
