3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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