a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
