my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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