He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
