I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
