Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The uberlube is also flammable
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
A+ Viking dick
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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