my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
