i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Two words: blizzard sex
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
