Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
