Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
