i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
