i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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