I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I want her autograph on my taint
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
