I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
