when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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