Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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