guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
