Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
