My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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