I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
