maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
