this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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