i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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