I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
