he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
This house was built for laser tag.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
