party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
you inspire me to be a worse person
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
