Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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