So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
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She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
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I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.