the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
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He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed