So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
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It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
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There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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