Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying