Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.