Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning

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  (202): the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning http://tfl.nu/vrio
  Replies (6) Good night (703) Bad night (1980)
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  (631): View more from New York

  By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.

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  (631): By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made. http://tfl.nu/sjsx
  Replies (56) Good night (4138) Bad night (574)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  i wish peter jackson would direct porn

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  (715): i wish peter jackson would direct porn http://tfl.nu/76vz
  Replies (14) Good night (3846) Bad night (730)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.

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  (727): She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek. http://tfl.nu/rrn9
  Replies (117) Good night (3159) Bad night (11930)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.

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  (303): I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs. http://tfl.nu/2lff
  Replies (62) Good night (6401) Bad night (698)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?

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  (412): Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container? http://tfl.nu/it9b
  Replies (33) Good night (5916) Bad night (1270)
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  (909): View more from California

  The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."

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  (909): The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling." http://tfl.nu/73er
  Replies (20) Good night (8719) Bad night (1412)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan

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  (361): like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan http://tfl.nu/pxmf
  Replies (15) Good night (2500) Bad night (963)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.

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  (202): We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open. http://tfl.nu/2rgi
  Replies (7) Good night (2515) Bad night (684)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing

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  (+44): you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing http://tfl.nu/zvza
  Replies (10) Good night (4208) Bad night (1502)
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  (631): View more from New York

  most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.

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  (631): most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in. http://tfl.nu/lst9
  Replies (1) Good night (475) Bad night (807)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.

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  (314): If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life. http://tfl.nu/s141
  Replies (3) Good night (792) Bad night (385)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept

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  (702): He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept http://tfl.nu/07xi
  Replies (5) Good night (464) Bad night (1055)
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  (807): View more from Ontario

  We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.

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  (807): We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely. http://tfl.nu/t6rq
  Replies (2) Good night (314) Bad night (966)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao

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  (561): Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao http://tfl.nu/lnta
  Replies (3) Good night (228) Bad night (423)

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