Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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