I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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