Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
