Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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