I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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