I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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