Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
