I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
