He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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