my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
