Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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