sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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