found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
