Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
