you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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