That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
