Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
