Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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