all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
