time to smoke my breakfast
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I checked into jail on foursquare
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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