Pappa wants mamma naked
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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