I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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