i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
