Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
