Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Let's get the cat blown out
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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