Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
