I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
