I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
