Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
His hands were made for my vagina.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
