What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
