and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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