This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
