I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
