I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I FOUND THE LEGS
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
