never play flip cup with pint glasses
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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