I'm gonna have a badass scar
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
